Brandi Whyne Chapter 4

  Brandi Whyne…

  And Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures with

  Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates

  By Celine Chatillon

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  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Brandi Whyne book 4

  Copyright ã 2006 Celine Chatillon

  Coverart by Martine Jardin

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher.

  Published by eXtasy Books 2006

  Look for us online at

  www.extasybooks.com

  Chapter Three

  Little John's Very Big

  Problem!

  Brandi’s note: If you’ve forgotten exactly who Captain Bak Azzwards is, how we first met, and how he and Robin didn’t quite see eye-to-eye on things, read Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter One—Captured by Space Pirates! My first bout of “discipline” aboard the Parsnip is told in Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter Two—Lashed at the Mast! For more on the wickedly large ICBM dildo, check out Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter Three—Bound for Adventure! Remember that royalties from sales of these fine tomes will go to help rehabilitate deaf, show tune singing, space pirates.

  With your purchase of any and all of the Brandi Whyne books, we can help these poor, deluded souls who think they can successfully belt out a Space Broadway show tune without assistance. A show tune is a horrible thing to waste on the wasted. Your generous contributions are sincerely appreciated. Thank you.

  I want to dedicate this series to all the fantastic eXtasy Books authors, editors and publishers I met at the 2005 Romantic Times Convention in St. Louis. You really put some wild and creative ideas in my head… Man, did you ever!

  When last we spied our hapless heroine…

  "Where are you going?” Robin asked as I stepped out of the bathroom and donned one of his silk robes.

  “No place special.” I took a brush to my auburn locks, sweeping my hair up off my neck with a pair of black lacquered sticks, which perfectly matched my kimono in black with purple edging. I’d discovered long hair sometimes got in the way at Willie’s parties and that it paid to come prepared.

  Robin plopped down on the bed and crossed his arms behind his head, observing me closely as I applied moisturizer to my face. “I thought Willie was calling it an early night since we’re landing in the morning.”

  “He did. I’ve got to tackle another ‘mission’ to help out one of the crew. Zelda put me in charge of ship’s discipline while she was away. And an unhappy space pirate is a non-productive space pirate.”

  “That sounds more like a morale problem, and that’s Kwak’s duty. Why don’t you stay in for a change? We could try a few more of my classic dildo collection. How about ‘twentieth century porn stars’? They’re very popular—our perennial best sellers.”

  I smiled, slipping into my black satin slippers. “They sound delightful, but I made a promise and I intend to keep it.” I headed for the door.

  “You’re not thinking about cheering John Thomas up—are you?”

  I froze in place. Some of Robin’s psychic ex-girlfriend’s abilities must have rubbed off on him. “Yes, I am. How did you know?”

  He scrunched up his nose. “Educated guess. That, and I saw you two eating together a few times this past week. I just want to warn you that playing ship’s counselor is not as easy as you think it is.”

  “I never said it would be easy. But I feel I owe John Thomas whatever help he needs. After all, he did help rescue me from Daro’s cargo hold and certain death. That sick bastard, Daro, was about to shove a colossal-sized vibrator up my pussy. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

  Robin rolled over to his side, laughing and slapping the pillows for effect. I frowned, my brows knitting together in anger. I turned to face him and placed my hands on my hips.

  “What’s so damn funny?”

  “You are, Brandi Whyne. If you thought that tiny apparatus Daro threatened you with could rip you in two, you ain’t seen nothing yet!”

  Our story begins…

  I stomped out of the cabin, angry that my lover—the one chosen by the Goddess of Fun, Fertility and Family Planning to be my soul mate—would make fun of me for trying to assist a shy and lovelorn crewmember. Well, I wouldn’t allow Robin the luxury of seeing my face contorted in rage at his insensitivity. I decided that I wouldn’t return to our quarters to sleep tonight, the first time I’d even considered it since I’d boarded this lunatic asylum of a spaceship.

  Robin could just lie awake all night long for all I cared. I couldn’t help but smirk, thinking of how much he loved having me give him the usual play-by-play of the evening’s action as I drifted off to sleep. Tough luck tonight! It served him right.

  Smiling at several shipmates, I briskly traversed the narrow main corridor of the Parsnip looking for John Thomas’s quarters, one of the few cabins I’d yet to enter. I pressed the buzzer and quickly entered as the door swooshed open.

  “John Thomas? Are you in here?”

  The interior of the cabin was dimly lit by holo-candles. I could make out in one corner a rather large sized mattress—no surprises there, considering its occupant’s height. Scattered about the remaining portion of the room I spied some giant-sized throw pillows and cushions. I stepped carefully toward a low table covered with three holo-candles and at least a dozen pirate action figures and sat down.

  “Hello?” I called out. “It’s me, Brandi. Don’t be shy.”

  A rustle behind a long drape that covered the porthole clued me in on John Thomas’s whereabouts. I waited patiently for several more minutes until the gentle giant came closer to where I sat.

  “Hi Brandi.” Dressed in a lose-fitting tunic and nothing else, his slumped posture didn’t quite convince me he felt relaxed in my presence. Plus he continually wrung his hands while the corner of his mouth twitched every few seconds. How could I make the poor man less frightened of the opposite sex?

  “Are these your action figures?” I picked up one sporting a black tri-corner hat and a black and pink plaid kilt. “Hey, this guy reminds me of Bak Azzwards.”

  “It is Bak Azzwards.” John Thomas’s face glowed with excitement. He plopped down beside me and eagerly showed off his collection. “He’s the third figurine in the ‘Space Pirates of the Western Galaxy’ series. I have them all. Bak Azzwards, Crabs Nebulon, Kinky Crosshairs, Sponge Rob Roundbritches…”

  “Isn’t there a ‘Robin Manhood’ figure?” I wondered aloud. “Surely the toy manufacturer couldn’t have forgotten to create a figurine of the galaxy’s most noteworthy space pirate.”

  My bashful host cringed. He put the dolls on the low table and looked down at the floor. “There is but Robin doesn’t like it. I’ve put it away so he won’t get angry and throw them all out.”

  “He wouldn’t do that, would he?”

  John Thomas nodded energetically.

  “Oh, then it’s good you’ve hidden it away somewhere saf
e. But I’m still very curious what a Robin space pirate figurine looks like, though.”

  Putting a finger to his lips, the giant looked furtively around the room. “I can show you Robin if you like,” he whispered.

  I nodded my agreement. Giggling, he sprang to his feet and ran toward the bed. I followed, curiously observing how uninhibited John Thomas acted when he was engaged in a pursuit that really interested him. Maybe this girl Peri, who he had a crush on, liked space pirate figurines as well?

  He reached under the mattress and pulled out a small, rectangular wooden box. Lifting the lid, he showed me his most cherished possession… a tiny replica of my lover, Robin Manhood.

  “Why, he’s adorable! It looks just like him—the smug grin, the arched eyebrows, wispy goatee, and rather large bump in the breeches area.” I scratched my head in thought. “How on earth could Robin find anything objectionable in this figurine?”

  John Thomas shrugged. “I don’t know. All he says is that the toy company owes him a lot of money for stealing his face and not giving him a red cent.”

  “Ah, I see.” I laughed. “So, it’s not so much vanity as greed that fuels his hatred for the thing.” I held out my hands. “May I?”

  “You promise you won’t drop him?”

  “I won’t.”

  I gently removed the figurine from the case and examined every side. It was exquisitely fashioned.

  “You like it?” he asked.

  “I love it. It’s a great action figure. In fact, I’d love to display Robin where everyone on the ship can admire him.”

  “Oh, no! Robin—the real one—would never allow that.”

  “I think it’s high time the real one got over his little hissy fit.” I laid the doll back in its miniature coffin and handed it back to my host. “But I won’t touch your space pirate figurines again unless you give me permission. I won’t do anything without your permission.”

  He nodded. “I know. I can trust you. You’re my friend.”

  “Yes, I’m your friend, John Thomas.” Still, what I was about to say and do next might not be construed as acting friendly.

  I sat down on the edge of the mattress and patted for him to sit beside me. “Tell me more about Peri. Does she like space pirate figurines?”

  His chin drooped toward his chest. “No.”

  “Does she have any hobbies, like collecting figurines? Does she paint or draw or sing or play a musical instrument?” He continued shaking his head. I threw up my hands as I ran out of ideas. “You two don’t have anything you could talk about besides working for Robin’s organization?”

  “Yeah, that’s about it.” John Thomas sighed. “She’s pretty and she works for Robin at the hideout. I should fuck her brains out—that’s what Willie says.”

  “Of course he told you that. Willie, the great advice giver.” I put a hand on my shy friend’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t listen a moment to Willie when it comes to impressing girls. His idea is to get them into bed first before they realize what a fool he is.”

  “But you’ve visited Willie’s bedroom. Was that before or after you realized he was a fool?”

  My words of reply died in my mouth. Yes, I admit I’d been a fool myself, but Willie did have a way of seducing a female into enjoying an evening’s entertainment with him before she thought the better of it.

  “Willie says all I have to do is make Peri happy in the bedroom and then she will talk to me and be my girlfriend. Can you show me how to make Peri happy? I don’t know if I can.” His head drooped. “I’ve tried with others before, but I failed.”

  I choked back a sob. How awful! Poor, poor John Thomas. He had been humbled in the act of love and now he was afraid to try again. Maybe there was something I could do to help heal his wounded pride.

  “Lie down, John Thomas,” I instructed him. He did as he was told, but his expression was one of apprehension, complete with quivering lower lip and furrowed brow. I massaged his shoulders and caressed his broad muscular chest for several minutes. Soon he was smiling.

  “I like that. Will this make Peri happy?”

  “Yes, it will. You need to relax and let me show you what else will please her.” I loosened the sash of my kimono and allowed it to fall off my shoulders. “Here.” I placed each of the giant’s hands on a breast. “Rub me, too, but be gentle. Remember, girls are delicate creatures and tend to be smaller than you. You have to be careful.”

  “Uh-huh. That’s why I crush people sometimes—accidentally, not on purpose.”

  He rolled my nipples between his thumb and forefinger in a surprisingly tender fashion. I arched my back, my head fell to the side and I sighed a low moan.

  “Nice. You can kiss and suckled them if you like.” My student did as he was instructed. My toes curled at his near expert attention. What a quick study!

  My pussy grew damp and yearned for more stimulation. I spread my robe wide and showed him how to manipulate my clit with his little finger. I moaned again. I was truly enjoying our lesson in sensitivity.

  “Am I making you happy?” he asked at length. “I’m not hurting you?”

  “Oh, no, John Thomas. What you’re doing feels wonderful. Time for the next step.”

  I attempted to straddle the giant’s hips, but found myself kneeling on him instead. He didn’t seem to mind my sitting on him, and why should he? He most likely outweighed me by a ratio of three to one. Undaunted by the logistics, I spread my legs wide and began to rock my anxious clit against a small bump in his groin area as he continued to caress my breasts. Obviously, giants weren’t necessarily blessed with gigantic appendages in all departments. Robin had scared me for nothing.

  “Brandi… I don’t think you want to wake Mr. Hedgehog up. He’s sleeping.”

  I smiled. What a cute nickname for his penis! John Thomas’s childlike manner of speaking was sometimes a bit off the wall. How odd he’d named his male member after an Old Terran creature with a prickly coat that liked to bury deep into the ground.

  “John Thomas, I thought you said you wanted to know how to make Peri happy. You will have to wake ‘Mr. Hedgehog’ up in order to do as Willie advised you. Don’t be afraid. It won’t hurt.”

  His eyes widened. “It won’t?” He began to rock back and forth with me. The bump began to swell. “That’s good. Last time he woke up, he did. And I don’t want to hear you scream.”

  I laughed. “Screaming when you’re making love is okay. It means you’re having a good time.”

  “Really? On my home world it means you’re in pain.”

  ‘Mr. Hedgehog’ seemed to grow exponentially. I felt my hips being lifted higher than I’d ever imagined. He reached out and steadied me with a giant hand on my buttocks. Suddenly I wasn’t so sure about my plan of action.

  “What planet are you from originally?” I asked.

  “My dad came from Old Terra, but my mom was from Hardon Nine.”

  “So you’re half human-half Hardonian? Very interesting.”

  I frowned, trying to think what all I had read about the inhabitants of that far-flung world. There was something about them that was different. Very different. But before I could recall this vital piece of information, my partner latched his large mouth on my tit again and suckled it until I lost all sense of reality. Whatever it was I was trying to remember I’d completely forgotten it, and at the moment, could care less.

  The sound of ripping cloth tore through my mental fog. John Thomas had lost his britches or so it seemed. Something had ripped them in half. My head seem to rise closer to the ceiling, too. And a faint, prickly sensation rubbed against my throbbing clit.

  Mr. Hedgehog!

  My eyes flew open. All right, so John Thomas wasn’t quite like other men or humanoids I’d come into contact with. What all I’d forgotten about the Hardonians flooded my mind at that point. They were similar to large humanoids species except for one slight difference. A Hardonian male’s penis possessed prehensile qualities like the tail of the Old Terran monkey. And
it was covered in short, prickly bumps.

  I glanced down, trying my best not to cry out in surprise or fear. My look of terror wasn’t what John Thomas needed at this point. Obviously, he’d scared his share of romantic companions in the past, which explained his self-imposed absence from the ship-wide orgies. To refuse to culminate our foreplay would only intensify his feelings of self-doubt and rejection.

  I swallowed hard and stroked his short-cropped hair. Maybe if he continued to stimulate my clit and breasts I wouldn’t feel his cock ripping me in half?

  “Brandi, I want to bury myself deep inside you. Are you scared?” he whispered.

  “A little.” I couldn’t lie to him. “I’m not Hardonian, so I’m not equipped to handle such a magnificent creation. Is Peri from Hardon by chance?”

  “No, she’s human. I’m pretty sure of it.”

  I swallowed again. Oh, well… My experimentation with male Hardonian-female human intimate relations might very well be the first and only. If I survived, I could write a sex manual and make millions of credits from its sales. My overdeveloped sense of adventure—heightened by my wet, tingling pussy—forced me onward in my explorations.

  “Let’s take this slow, shall we?”

  I rose up on my knees, allowing his cock to rise to its full height. I blinked and then blinked again. Hmm… Even without the intriguing bumpy nubs dotting its surface its length and width would be a challenge.

  “I can bend him in half.” John Thomas demonstrated his rod’s snake-like flexibility. Sure enough he folded and twisted and crooked his cock into any number of configurations.

  And Robin had teasingly nicknamed his spaceship navigator “Little John”. Ha! Pure jealousy on Robin’s part. Had John Thomas been a regular patron of the Black Whole when I waitressed there, I would have thrown away my slide rule and used Aunt Cruella’s cricket bat for a measuring stick instead. At that moment I was ever so glad that I’d never came across anyone quite like John Thomas before I made my vow. I would have vowed to the Goddess of Fun, Fertility and Family Planning to remain celibate my entire life in that had been the case.